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《轉貼》亞伯拉罕的2008洋基KUSO大預言


[Translation] Here's How the 2008 Season Will Go
 
簡單翻一下Peter Abraham的kuso文章
來源: http://yankees.lhblogs.com/2007/12/28/heres-how-the-2008-season-will-go/
 
What can we expect from the Yankees in 2008? Here's a guess:
 
在2008球季,我們能期待什麼呢,以下是猜測:
 
Jan. 6: Roger Clemens goes on 60 Minutes and tells long-time Yankees fan Mike Wallace he definitely didn’t do steroids. “Good enough for me,” Wallace says.
 
1/6: 火箭人上電視節目說他沒用過類固醇,死忠洋基迷主持人說:「這消息對我來說夠好了。」
 
Jan. 21: Yankees hold open tryouts for lefty relievers in Tampa. Sign Jesse Orosco, Lee Guetterman, Rod Scurry and Rudy May to minor-league deals.

1/21: 洋基在Tampa為救援左投辦選拔賽,簽下四個小聯盟合約。

Feb. 3: Hank Steinbrenner announces the rotation for the first month of theseason, the lineup on Opening Day, the players they’ll take in the first 17 rounds of the draft and the identity of Derek Jeter’s future wife. “Thatabout wraps it up,” he says. “Oh, and red will win the first Dunkin Donuts subway car race on the scoreboard.”
 
2/3: 小老闆宣布球季第一個月的先發輪值、開幕日名單、選秀、和帥哥隊長未來老婆的身份。小老闆說:「就一起講嘛。喔,而且紅襪會贏得第一次對戰。」
 
Feb. 4: “I really can’t comment,” Brian Cashman says. “We’re all working together in the front office. At least until my contract expires.”
 
2/4: 「我真的不能評論。」現金人說。「我們正在努力,至少在我合約到期前」
 
Feb. 14: Pitchers and catchers report to spring training.
 
2/14: 投手捕手春訓報到。
 
Feb. 15: Carl Pavano falls asleep on the beach, suffers debilatating sunburn. “Torre warned me about this guy,” Joe Girardi says.

2/15: 痛痛人帕瓦諾在海灘睡著了,然後被曬傷。新教頭說:「托瑞警告過我了。」
 
March 31: Yankees open the season with a 2-1 victory against Toronto. Chien-Ming Wang strikes out 12 with a newly refined slider. "Bill James can kiss my Taiwanese behind," he says. Jennifer Love Hewitt throws out the first pitch. "Lovely young woman," Hank Steinbrenner said. "Can't Hardly Wait was a classic."
 
3/31: 開幕戰,洋基以2:1打敗多倫多藍鳥隊。王建民用最新精煉的滑球三振12名打者。小王說:「Bill James可以親吻我後面的台灣同鄉了。」比賽由Jenifer Love Hewitt開球,小老闆說:「真是可愛的年輕女人啊,Can't Hardly Wait真是經典。」
 
April 4: No. 4 starter Joba Chamberlain no-hits Tampa Bay in his first start. Yankees then announce he will skip his next start to preserve his arm. “Joba rules,” Cashman says. “Kei Igawa will do a fine job in his place.”
 
4/4: 第四號先發張伯倫第一次先發,對魔鬼魚投出無安打比賽。洋基球團隨即宣布,為了好好保護小張,他將跳過下一次先發。現金人說:「張伯倫條款囉,接下來井川慶會好好幹活的。」
 
April 9: Igawa allows 12 runs in 1.1 innings against Kansas City. “What the hell were we thinking signing him?” Hideki Matsui says in first English comments to the media. Igawa is demoted to the Domincan Summer League, which doesn’t start play until June. “Best thing for him,” Hank Steinbrenner says during his daily press briefing.
 
4/9: 井川慶對堪薩斯皇家在1.1局內失12分。隊友松井說:「我們見鬼的幹嘛簽他?」這是松井第一次在媒體前講英文。井川被降到多明尼加夏季聯盟,球季六月份才開始。小老闆在每日新聞稿中說:「這對他最好啦。」
 
April 11: First game of the season against Boston goes to the Red Sox 3-2. But Curt Schilling gets the win but breaks his index finger trying to field a line drive off the bat of Jorge Posada. Doctors tell Schilling he will be unable to type again, causing him to suspend his blog, 38pitches.com.
 
4/11: 第一場對紅襪以2:3落敗,席林拿到勝投,卻在試著接殺Posada擊出的平飛球時,手指受傷,他的部落格38pitches.com因而停頓。
 
April 12: Posada given American Literary Award for contributions to the betterment of the culture.
 
4/12:Posada獲頒美國文學獎,表揚他對改善文化的貢獻。

May 17: Yankees top the Mets 4-1. Mets fall to 2-41, continuing slide that started in September of 2007. “We’re getting close, I feel it,” Willie Randolph says.
 
5/17: 洋基4:1打敗大都會。大都會接續上一季九月的表現,累計2勝41敗。Willie Randolph說:「我可以感覺到,我們很接近了。」(接近什麼?)
 
June 14: Yankees win 3-2 at Houston. Roger Clemens makes 2008 debut with the Yankees, having signed a prorated $27,222,222.22 deal three weeks prior. “I feel great,” Clemens says after throwing seven strong innings. “I owe itall to my new trainer, Victor Conte. Salt of the earth, that guy. That flaxseed oil works.”
 
6/14: 洋基在休士頓以3:2獲得勝利。火箭人本季第一場出賽是在洋基,他在三週前簽了一個按比例分配,價值兩千七百二十二萬兩千兩百二十二元二十二分的合約。火箭人說:「我欠我的新訓練師, Victor Conte。那傢伙是世上的鹽,他開的亞麻籽油真管用。」(世上的鹽:語出聖經,意思是很重要很重要,不能代替...)
 
July 15: American League wins All-Star game 12-0 behind manager Joe Girardi. Boston’s Terry Francona, scheduled to manage the AL team, mysteriously disappears in the Bronx hours before the game. He’s discovered later, tied to a tree in Van Cortlandt Park.

7/15: 美國聯盟在洋基新教頭的帶領下以12:0贏了明星賽。原本排定的紅襪隊教練粉柯南,在賽前神秘失蹤。他稍後被人發現綁在公園的樹上。
 
Aug. 12: Phil Hughes improves to 16-2 as he three-hits the Minnesota Twins. The Cy Young Award favorite tops Johan Santana, who falls to a stunning 6-13. “It’s hard to say what hurts more, my shoulder or elbow,” Santana says. “Woooo, man. I need ice.”
 
8/12:休斯來到16勝2敗,當他對雙城隊投出三安比賽時,賽揚等級的山大王,則掉到6勝13敗。山大王說:「關於我的肩膀或手肘哪個傷的比較嚴重,這真的很難說。喔天呀,我需要冰敷。」
 
Sept. 19: Yankees celebrate after clinching the division with a 11-1 thrashing of the Baltimore Orioles. Alan Horne gets the win. Carl Pavano, in the Bronx to pick up a check, suffers detatched retina when struck by a champagne cork. “Oops,” says Mike Mussina.
 
9/19: 洋基慶祝贏得東區冠軍,並以11:1痛擊金鶯隊,Alan Horne贏得勝投。痛痛人為了去球場拿支票,被香檳酒的軟木塞擊中,視網膜剝離。穆帥:「哎呀?!」
 
Sept. 24: Little-known prospect Joe Harvey Oswald hits first MLB homer. “It is high, it is deep, it’s gone! … An assassin’s bullet to left for Oswald!,” yells John Sterling. “He acted alone!”
 
9/24: 少為人所知的潛力新秀Joe Harvey Oswald擊出大聯盟第一支全壘打。「它飛得又高又深,它不見了!像一顆謀殺人的子彈飛向外野!」John Sterling大叫:「他辦到了!」
 
Oct. 21: World Series opens in New York. It’ll be the Yankees vs. Dodgers. “No question it’s exciting,” Los Angeles manager Joe Torre says. Helped by 8.1 innings of relief from Scott Proctor, the Dodgers take the opener 7-5. “Winners never quit and quitters never win,” Hank Steinbrenner says. “We’llbe back.”
 
10/21: 世界大賽在紐約開打,洋基對上道奇。道奇教練托瑞:「這毫無疑問的緊張刺激。」在救援投手天天P的幫忙下(他投了8.1局),道奇在第一戰以7:5獲勝。「贏家永不退縮、輸家永不勝利。」小老闆說:「我們會回來的。」
 
Oct. 22: Despite being limited to 50 pitches, Joba Chamberlain goes seven innings for Game 2 victory. “Gotta be economical,” he said. “Wang taught me his sinker.” Says Torre: “I think I recognize that kid from somewhere.”
 
10/22: 儘管只被允許投50球,張伯倫在Game 2投到第七局並勝投。「省球是一定要的。」他說:「小王敎我投他的sinker。」托瑞說:「我就想這孩子好像哪裡看過。」
 
Oct. 24: Dodgers win Game 3 as Andruw Jones homers off Kyle Farnsworth in the seventh inning. “I wasn’t with the team in 2005 but I was against his signing,” Hank Steinbrenner says the next morning on Regis and Kelly.
 
10/24: 道奇贏了Game 3,Andruw Jones對放肆火在第七局擊出全壘打。「2005年我還不在隊上,但我反對簽他。」小老闆隔天說。
 
Oct. 31: Yankees wrap up the title with a 2-1, 17-inning victory against the Dodgers. Yankees win despite Alex Rodriguez opting out of his contract in the seventh inning while at the plate. Hank Steinbrenner announces after the game that free-agent first baseman Mark Teixeira has 48 hours to accept a contract offer. “I mean business,” he says.
 
10/31: 洋基2:1贏了道奇,總共纏鬥17局。儘管A-Rod在第七局上場打擊時照合約選擇脫逃,洋基還是贏了。小老闆在賽後宣布,具自由球員身份的一壘手Mark Teixeira有48小時決定要不要接受合約。他說:「我是認真的。」
 
Nov 3: Parade through the Canyon of Heroes marred when confetti gets lodged in windpipe of Carl Pavano. “Hard to believe nobody in the crowd of five million knew the Heimlich Maneuver,” Derek Jeter says. “You never want to see a teammate choke to death like that.”
 
11/3: 通過Canyon of Heroes的大遊行有了汙點 ─ 遊行使用的五彩碎紙飛進痛痛人的氣管裡。「真不敢相信在五百萬人中沒人聽過哈姆力克急救法。」Jeter說,「你絕對不想看到隊友因氣管阻塞而死。」
 
Nov. 15: Hughes named Cy Young winner. “I owe it all to the faith an insomniac blogger had in me,” he says.
 
11/15: 休斯拿到賽揚獎。他說:「對於那些患有失眠症卻對我有信心的部落格主,這是我欠你們的。」
 
Dec. 23: In a pay-per-view event, Shelley Duncan wins Wrestlemania XXXVIII. “Dude,” he says after bodyslamming David Ortiz. “Awesome.”
 
12/23: 在計次收費的節目中,怪力男鄧肯贏得Wrestlemania XXXVIII(摔角比賽頭銜),「太棒了。」把紅襪隊老爹摔出去之後他這麼說。

( 原文結束 )


痛痛人被虧得好慘啊,小王兩度擔任笑點,A-Rod 在世界大賽第七局選擇逃脫…orz,Jenifer Love Hewitt 的梗我看不懂@.@。

再次感謝 shirlyfen ( opaquetaco )慷慨提供翻譯。


【延伸閱讀與相關連結】

Here’s how the 2008 season will go @ The LoHud Yankees Blog ( Peter Abraham 原文 )

[Translation] Here's How the 2008 Season Will Go @Life in DC ( 譯者的部落格原文 )

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